Helping Inform, Support, & Re-build
Working to dis-empower Narcissistic bullying, whether childhood, relationship or workplace
Absolutely anyone can become trapped in the Coercive control ‘games’ of a narcissist. Escape is often far from easy, however it may appear to others from the outside.
RespectFor.Me provides information, assistance & access to a range of other services to help support anyone victimised by narcissistic manipulators
Sign-posting to Help
Helping direct people to the help they need
Supporting Survivors of Narcissists
Whether successful or still trying to escape, the victims of narcissists, the damage can be extensive.
Spotting the Red Flags
Narcissistic behaviour includes a lot of Red Flags.
Why a Narcissist is like a Venus Flytrap
A Venus Flytrap is reknowned for luring in its prey with a tasty, perhaps comforting sweet offering. Unfortunately, the fly, lured in by the promise, is gradually trapped, with each subsequent choice causing the trap to close in further.
The victim of a narcissist feels their energy, self-worth, and probability of ever escaping gradually diminishing, until finally, unless they can escape, all life is sucked out of them. 
Tackling Narcissistic Abuse
Narcissism is about power & control, without empathy for others.
Gaining this power over others often leads to the abuse of it.
To understanding how this abuse is made possible, see our definition further down, or read one of many real-life examples.
Spotlighting Workplace Bullying
Bullying destroys productivity & damages reputations. See how encouraging Businesses to openly Whistle-blow on bullies, & promote a genuine Zero-Tolerance policy that works at all levels can remove workplace bullying.
Removing Fear
Fear enables bullies. Despite being a dark act, many carry out these acts in plain sight, taking advantage of the lack of intervention by others.
Read how this is possible, and how transparency leads to breaking their grip.
The Definition
To illustrate the point of how anyone can get trapped in a no-win situation, consider the following situation
Imagine a family member, or pet who you care about. Now imagine someone threatens their life, unless you give them £5. Knowing that they appear capable of the dreadful act, you give them £5. Now that you’ve been seen to be exploitable, then they ask you for £10. Then £100. Then £1,000. Then £10,000. When does it stop?
Or imagine working somewhere, with your income paying the bills, and your well connected boss asks you to work a bit later. You oblidge. Then the next day, to work a bit later still. Then later. You decide to draw the line, and say no. Then you’re told that your livelihood is on the line, as you either do it, or you will lose your job, and they will make sure you never get another job in the same town, or even the same industry. Knowing this well-connected, and seemingly respected person, known for the results they get (which is in fact rather the results of those ‘forced’ to stay later) is seen as untouchable, while your whole livelihood is held in the balance.
These terrorist tactics become the trademark of a narcissist, using your vulnerability as a way to exploit
How the fish is hooked
To a narcissist,their victims are the trophy fish. Gently luring them in with the bait of emotionally compelling promises, victims soon find themselves caught on a hook, designed to prevent easy escape, with the least painful alternative to remain on the hook. Sadly, being hooked is easy, if the narcissist offers the right bait.
Oblivious to Oblivion
Because the narcissist is often oblivious to their tactics, lackingreal epathy or consideration for others, they rarely realise that their behaviour is controlling and manipulative, and so are often surprised and offended that their clearly controlling behaviour is causing such pain in their victim, overlooking all of the times where ‘no-win’ manipulation is used against the people they are often closest to.
The Definition
The Why
Ever ask yourself “Is it Just Me?”
Abuse comes in many forms, many of which others cannot see, or simply overlook
The wars no-one sees us fight are often the hardest ones to deal with. We each have our stories. Maybe it’s time to work together to help stop others having to experience them for themselves.
Take the following situation: An EMT Paramedic attend the scene of an accident. Two injured people are in need of help. One is whailing, screaming in pain. The other is quiet. Which one needs attention first? Trained EMT’s know that in shock, many people are quiet, with injuries that may just be too painful to deal with, & without urgent treatment, it may quickly become too late. Experience shows that the one that is quiet may well be the one most in need of life threatening care. This doesn’t mean anyone else should be ignored, but demonstrates how easy it might be to overlook those in need.
Many victims of abuse often ask themselves this question, until one day, they realise that they were just the target.
Learning how to escape, escaping, and then dealing with the aftermath are all skills every survivor must gain. Once you know how, almost everything is possible.
Escaping Narcissistic Abuse
Breaking through the chains of Coercive Control
Mental abuse leaves scars no others can see
We all have regrets. Those who have experienced narcissistic abuse, however, know first-hand just how haunted they can be by the decisions of the past tha gradually took them deeper and deeper into the control of the narcissist. Each traumatic incident is compounded by the next, and the next, until the brain becomes a library of haunting memories of self-recrimination, often locked in a cycle searching for better outcomes if a different choice had been made. This traumatic replay leads to Complex PTSD, a deepened form of PTSD (PTSD is generally focused on a single traumatic incident, while Complex PTSD is focused on repeated traumatic events), causing many to experience mental abuse like nothing else.
Learn more about what trauma does to the brain.
Relationships:
The Law
As anyone who has experienced narcissistic abuse knows, the law has little bearing. Without undeniable proof of a criminal act, the criminal courts can do nothing. Until just a few years ago, coercive control within a relationship was not even illegal.
To the survivor, the ability to describe what has happened to them is both difficult, and appears ‘wild’ that anyone would tolerate it.
Because of this, current UK laws actually support narcissistic abusers, who use their power and control influences, coupled with a number of narcissistic techniques in order to convince the courts. This is especially prevalent in family courts where women are treated like victims, even if they are the abusers, able to easily lay unfounded accusations against men, which are impossible to shake.
Male or Female
Surprising to some, but not to others, narcissists can be both male and female. Taking advantage of someone else has no correlation to sex, but instead to the type of person.
Generally, women are made to feel ‘tarnished’, treated like unwanted cast-offs that no-one would ever want, while men are made to feel worthless, unable to look after themselves, and to feel that they are damaged goods, of no value to anyone.
The reality is that neither of these are true.
Healthy Relationships
It’s easy after living with a narcissistic abuser, to believe we are worth nothing, and no-one would want us. After being repeatedly told this, or having all of your freedoms taken away, it’s easy to try to create a power struggle in future relationships. Here, we offer some top tips to help your future be far more rewarding, helping you to find yourself, in the process.
Collateral Damage
To a narcissist, the children are collateral damage. Bargaining chips to be played with. Using their mirror like personalities, reflecting the good. that people want to see.
For those who have heard of Stockholm syndrome (where a prisoner learns to empathise with the captor, in order to mentally and physically survive), or Munchausen Syndrome (where children are brought up in ignorance of the obvious truth, in order. to mentally and emotionally protect themselves), the children of narcissistic mothers are easily ‘brainwashed’ with a one-sided barrage of stories, and in an effort to survive the abuse, they will often forget the past that they know, & even create completely false memories to fit the stories they are told.
For narcissistic males, they tend to use more physically related threats of how they will continue to intervene in order to influence the children to demonstrate negative behaviour when outside of their immediate influence.
For more details of how children are used, and what can be done, click the link below:
Children as Weapons
One of the two biggest weapons that a narcissist uses are children.
Fear of losing them, or them being damaged by the relationship breakdown are 2 of the most common reasons why men or women stay in abusive relationships despite knowing that the relationship is both toxic to them, and abusive.
And for the abused parent that escapes, the children are often brainwashed, following the patterns of the abusive parent
Read about top tips for supporting Children to minimise how they can be used as weapons
Contact & Parental Alienation
Children benefit from both parents. Provided the parental wars do not put them into the firing line, they can become far better, ore rounded adults, able to avoid making the mistakes of their parents. Lacking in true empathy, and too focused on revenge for the escaping survivor, the children of narcissists are often treated like possessions.
The Tale of King Solomon is a reminder of how the survivor is in a no-win situation, in relation to protecting the welfare of their children, with an astonishing number likely to lose contact with their children in order to protect them from immediate harm.
Workplace
The Indespensibles
When anyone in an organisation appears to be indispensible, we should always ask why.
Firstly, it’s not good for business.
Secondly, it’s a sign that something is probably wrong.
It is rare that anyone offers this value. Therefore ignoring these points, is a sign of a bad business, and making it clear to outsiders that there are no ‘key-man’ risks, with no power abuse within makes the company a far more approachable, lower risk, and valuable company on so many levels.
The Bystanders
It’s easy to say “that’s the way it is”. It’s easy to not get involved.
It’s easy to simply look the other way.
That’s the problem. There’s almost no up-side to getting involved.
A whistle-blower is seen as a trouble maker.
Of course, there are those who want to stir up the dirt, to hide their lack of productivity, but this should be easy to evaluate in other ways.
The best way is often to have a mechanism that reports behaviour that is not in the company’s best interests, introducing risk, or introducing liability for legal action being made against it.
Human Resources
The purpose of Human Resources is simple. It is to protect the company’s assets, and its reputation.
The term itself is negative, and does not reflect people as the assets that help enable the success of the business.
To a company, Humans are called resources, a word which is used to signify something, like coal, to be burned up and expended.
While an asset is used to describe a piece of equipment like a computer, a phone, or even a photocopier.
Perhaps if businesses called this department Human Assets, it would create more of a value around the individuals who are giving up time from their lives to performa service, to further. the goals of the company.
Because of the protective role of Human Resources to protect the company’s reputation & assets, this has allowed narcissistic individuals to hide in plain sight, appearing to be high value contributors, often claiming credit for the work of others, and often under less than favourable conditions.
This creates a company vulnerability, with such individuals holding. the company to ransom, encouraging them to turn their backs on the ‘trouble-makers’ that wish to report inappropriate behaviour.
For companies that want to remove this risk, and have a more enthused workforce, motivated by something other than fear, please follow the link
Consequences:
Pain
Staying in an abusive relationship with a narcissist, whether referring to childhood, relationship, or workplace narcissistic abuse, provides only one guarantee; pain.
The route to escape may mean temporarily more pain, like removing a band-aid plaster, but the long term benefits far outweight the ongoing repeated pain that exponentially increases with time, as virtually any survivor will tell.
Want to be a survivor? Plan your escape now. For top tips, see below:
Mental Health
The term still has a negative association to many. For those that have knowingly suffered from situations, that have compromised their mental health, they understand that admitting what has happened that has upset their ability to react in a typical predictable manner to certain situations, is not always something others can understand, as well as recognise that we all have such situations, but often don’t notice.
Narcissistic abuse can have highly detrimental impacts to mental health, including depression, anxiety, PTSD, Complex PTSD, breakdowns, and even suicidal actions.
Suicide
Imagine being in a situation where every choice you make, appear to make the situation seem worse. To a victim of narcissistic abuse, this is what systematically happens.
It is of little wonder that with no way out of the deep dark well, that seems to be getting deeper, that the struggle to stay alive in such conditions can become far too much for some people to wish to coper with, seeking a permanent answer to what are, in essence, just temporary problems. To escape a narcissist, there is a better way, & survival is essential.
For some tips on how to survive against all odds, please see the following link:
Getting Started is Easy
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Book Appointment
If one of our team can help, we will set up an appointment, to uncover how you can escape, recover, or address the challenges of dealing with a narcissist.
Directing you to the Help you Need
We all have different needs. There is a fantastic range of specialised services available from a number of charities, non-profits, and specialist organisations. We help you find who best to connect with.
Escape doesn’t have to destroy you
Escaping a narcissist isn’t easy, but not escaping a narcissist is almost guaranteed to destroy someone. This site aims to bust the myths around what a narcissist is, how they operate, why they do what they do, and to remove the ability for their techniques to work, helping make escape possible, while attempting to minimal the inevitable cost in doing so.
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